The Pros and Cons of the Apocalypse

In light of the impending apocalypse, I feel it is my civic duty to inspire you, my fellow Ryersonians, and those of you who are less optimistic, to live the last twenty-four hours of your lives to the fullest.

I imagine the majority of you, like myself, have spent the last semester falling face first into your textbooks. To make you feel even better about this situation, some of you have probably spent tens of thousands of dollars in efforts to attain a job you’ll never get to have now. Hoorah!

To hopefully raise a little optimism, I’ve made a list of pros for pondering:

  1. You’ll never have to listen to another Kesha/Pitbull/Taylor Swift/Skrillex/Nickleback song.
  2. The Jersey Shore crew will never have the opportunity to rise up and create the first modern world-dictatorship.
  3. Never again will we have to be as terrified as we were when Mitt Romney nearly won the US Presidential Election.
  4. The putrid stench in some areas of campus will no longer violate your nostrils.
  5. The TTC will no longer be needed as an everyday method of transportation. No, we’ll have the Afterlife Express!
  6. I’ve heard there’s always hockey in heaven (if you’re into that stuff. If not, you’re about to get a hella good sleep).
  7. This could possibly go the right way, and you might actually get the opportunity to institute your zombie apocalypse game plan.
  8. The rumored fifth Twilight movie definitely won’t be able to materialize.
  9. You’ll never have to worry about your credit score, student loans, taxes, kids, or your stance on religion EVER again.
  10. If you’ve never had a threesome, at least you’ll never disappoint two people at once. Just sayin’.

And now for the cons:

  1. Depending on how this ends (ie. sans light show), this could be really lame.
  2. You and your significant other are never. Ever. Ever. Ever. Getting back together. (Or is that a pro?)
  3. Nobody can get frisky anymore. And if you’ve never been frisky, that window is closing fast.

Enough with these damn cons. I say we should be motivated by the pros and go out and live it up. There are numerous End of the World parties going on; hit up one of those. Do something you never would normally do if you had to face your parents, your friends, or the police. On second thought, don’t take my advice seriously – you’ll probably feel ridiculous come Saturday morning. Or end up in jail.

And me? I’m in Alberta. Where the drinking age is 18. I am going to have some moderate fun, do some reading, and just in case, eat a lot of chocolate, but, I’m banking on another Second Coming of Christ case here.

Peace, love, kittens. Happy New Year!


Happy Death!

Whatever comes first…

Are you worried about the world ending tomorrow? What are your last 24 hours on the planet going to look like? Let us know! Sound off in the comments below, comment on Facebook or tweet us!