If the TTC Was Human

I’m a commuter. An 8am class for me means waking up at 6am so I have enough time to properly wake up, tame my hair, eat breakfast and catch the bus by 7am. Thank goodness there are no 8ams in my schedule this semester – I’m not a morning person. It’s not the actual being awake part, as much as the getting out of bed bit. Leaving that bed-warmth behind is by far the hardest moment of every day.

After I finally get myself out of the house, the next step of my day is the TTC.

If you’re a fellow commuter, you may know what this means. The TTC and I have a love/hate relationship. I’ll be forever grateful for it’s ability to transport me across my city, but I will never be able to accept the issues that come along with it.

Instead of writing a good old bash-blog about the TTC, I’ve decided to get a little creative. Here’s what I think the TTC would be like if it was a human. If you got to know TTC as a person rather than a transit system, I imagine that it would be a little like this:

TTC would have no concept of deodorant; and not because they grew up with eco-friendly hippie parents named Ziggy and Stardust but because they just wouldn’t care. TTC would forget to apply deodorant, every day of the week. Sadly TTC would smell like my middle school boyfriend after a really intense game of dodgeball – drenched and in need of a formal introduction to Isaiah Mustafa.

One time in middle school I had a supply teacher that didn’t smile. Her reason? She didn’t want smile lines – otherwise known as wrinkles. This is what I imagine TTC would be like. TTC would wear a constant frown, similar to Kanye West.

TTC would be the parent that always picks their kid up late. Lets be real, this was totally the story of my life as a 3rd grader in Hebrew school. Stood outside the synagogue at 8pm, waiting for my parents to come get me. All my friends’ parents asked if I wanted a ride, but I knew my mum or dad would be there…only a few minutes later. It’s okay, I got super tight with the security guard. He even knew me by name! So jokes on you, cause I basically had personal protection.

With its constant delays, TTC would probably even show up late to little Timmy’s school play. Walk in with a venti sugar free vanilla non fat and soy, half pump almond, half pump mocha, two pumps sugar free cinnamon dolce with whip caramel macchiato, pushing through the rickety lunch room tables as the first musical number started. The worst.

TTC would write fluent french speaker on their resume when the last French they learned was Nathalie au Quebec. When their potential employer starts up a conversation en français, TTC will proudly blurt out: est ce que je peux aller aux toilettes?

The TTC would spoil the season finale of your favourite show. They’d come up to you in person and say OH MY GOD, I CAN’T BELEVE SO AND SO DIED – or post a long Facebook status of their shock. They may even ruin it on Twitter with a nice *SpOiLer aLeRt* written at the END of the tweet. I mean, you shouldn’t be on social media if you don’t want your favourite show ruined, but either way, I can guarantee TTC would be the one to ruin it. After they ruin it, you’ll probably want to do a little of this:

We get ya Linds, I didn’t want to know what happened either.

And lastly, the TTC would never go out. They would be tucked into bed every night as the sun goes down. Considering so many of their routes stop running after midnight, it makes sense that the TTC as a person would be a homebody. But not the homebody that has fun at home! Not the homebody who binges on Netflix, bakes cookies at midnight, or has cool sleepovers.

TTC would be comfortably tucked in at 7pm on the dot, every night of the week.

Do you take the TTC to get to Ryerson? Does it sometimes make you crazy? I totally get it.

Yesterday I left work a tad bit late cause we were busy. I ran to the subway as soon as I left, hoping I’d make it to class on time. But lucky for me, there was a bold D in the “minutes until next subway” section. Great – delayed. There’s nothing more a commuter hates than hearing that good ol’ subway recording telling you that there is a delay. They always seem to happen when you’re in a rush too. The TTC drives me nuts and I do not think we would be great friends if it were a human.

Let me know in the comments below, on Twitter or Facebook what you think the TTC would be like, if it existed as a human rather than a transit system. Would you be friends?