I Paid $7000 For My Beard

I’m sure you’ve seen the beard make an appearance around the city. On subways, in coffee shops, in lecture, on your weekly visit to Urban Outfitters – the beard has become more than a trend, it’s become a way of life.

I personally don’t quite understand the desire for hair on ones face, but I guess it’s just a bit like my nose ring: once it’s there you forget what it was like without it. You even forget it’s there sometimes. It truly becomes a part of you. But how far would you go to get the beard of your dreams?

In my recent procrastination I’ve come across one of the wildest things I’ve ever heard of—beard transplants. Yes, hair moved directly from the top of your head to your cheeks and chin. Now you can spend a weekend like your fave celebs: Joan Rivers, Bruce Jenner, and Heidi Montag while getting under the knife, for facial hair!

Can you bring in a photo reference? Do they just give you any style? I’d personally opt with a Ryan Gosling myself – maybe a Charlie Hunnam if I was feeling really risky. But upon finding out the cost of a beard transplant, I decided that even if I were a man who would never meet a 5 o’clock shadow, I definitely would not spend my life savings on facial hair. Beard implants can cost up to SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS…yes, I said thousand. Now that is one big investment – especially for something you might decide to shave off.

Who might be looking to spend seven grand on a beard you ask?

According to Dr. Halaas the ones looking for beard transplants are “young people who live in Brooklyn, [that] look cool and hip and tend to work in the visual arts.” He even notes that he’s “had pork-pie hats in [his] office [with] that kind of beige and olive wardrobe they tend to wear.”

In other words, these Brooklyn beard transplants have all stemmed from the hipster trend—first popularized around 2011. Much like previous trends such as fake tans (inspired by Snooki), or ombre (still sported by the Kardashians), this beard trend seems like another way to fit in. But do you think that’s going overboard? Do you think spending $7000 on facial hair can be justifiable? Comment below & let us know.

In light of this discovery, I decided to scour Ryerson’s campus for some facial hair.

Meet Christian:


How much would you value your beard at?
One dollar…not even a dollar!

What is your intended look?

Fun fact about your beard?
It’s four different colours…look I have a cowlick over here. It’s a little swirl.

Soundtrack to Christian’s beard

Meet Tyler:


How much would you value your beard at?
I would value my beard at $100K plus, I’ve wanted facial hair since I was little, and despite none of my brothers having the ability to grow any, I willed my way to grow it…therefore it is a part of me, my identity, my look, the beard is Tyler Zoltek.

What is your intended look/persona?
These days my beard comes in two flavours, the full beard, and the goatee. The full beard keeps me warm on the cold days we’ve been having, while the goatee is perhaps more stylish (with a good blazer) while it’s still short.

Fun fact about your beard?
My beard adjusts for sports, women, jobs, the weather, what city I’m in, and even how I’m feeling. It and I are one, and endlessly support each other, so the fun fact would be that my beard is my best friend.

Soundtrack to Tyler’s beard
Much like classic country, my beard goes best with a cowboy hat, rye on the rocks, and a couple of ladies.

Meet G, Andrew & Rob (left to right):


How much would you value your beard at?
G: Couple hundred
Andrew: $2000
Rob: $7000 for sure

Why do you have a beard?
G: No time to shave! Sometimes I rock a goatee if I’m going out.
Andrew: To ban the baby look.
Rob: Keeps me warm in this weather

Fun fact about your beard?
G: It’s awesome!
Andrew: It grows in different directions!

Soundtrack to G’s beard 

Meet Hamza


How much would you value your beard at?
I’ve definitely been blessed with one of the more premiere, top-of-the-line luxury beards. Valuation for this work of art starts at $7000.

What’s your beards persona?
It’s the Alien Symbiote to my Spiderman. It sort of takes over and does what it wants.

Fun fact about your beard?
In the summer, it sports a reddish tint. I have no say in the matter.

Soundtrack to Hamza’s Beard

Meet Zac


How much would you value your beard at?
Hmm, personally I think my beard is priceless. But, for the purposes of this interview, I’ll play along. The streaks of deep auburn definitely up the value. But the tendency to grow horizontally before vertically (a common trait in jewish beards) probably bring it back down to market standard. So, I’ll settle for $7,000.

What’s your beards intended look/persona?
I’m going for a mid-60s Thelonious Monk-esque look. Angular, bohemian, scholarly. Can I name it zaclonious?

Fun fact about your beard?
When I was 12, my cousin ben was (and still is) a sort of role model for me. His beard was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I prayed one night for my beard to come in. haven’t been entirely clean shaven since.

Soundtrack to Zac’s beard
Playful, dissonant, sardonic, upbeat… all qualities I associate with my beard.

Meet Chris


How much would you value your beard at?

What is your intended look/persona?
Hipster in denial

Fun fact about your beard?
I often get a comb stuck in it—right in here (points to chin).

Soundtrack to Chris’ beard


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